Got a party planned and worried about the music, what to play, what to get it pumpin? Want the girls to love ya??? Then pick the right music. Find out how, right here.

Dr. Dre - Nuthin’ But A “G” Thang
This is the monolith of the mix. When you put this on, you mean business. It simply states I’m coming out with all the stops tonight, guns blazing, so you best step up and enjoy yourself fully because tonight will be legendary. This debut off of the “Chronic” came out in ‘93 and Dre changed the whole game forever. With it’s groundbreaking beats and a young Snoop smoothing the rhymes, Dr. Dre mixed this cocktail up in as easy as “1, 2, 3 and to the 4.” link to song

Maceo Parker - Pass the Peas
When I threw parties back in the day at college I simply tossed on Maceo Parker’s Life on Planet Groove and let the bodies lay where they may. This second track shows that you’ve got diverse tastes as a gentleman and isn’t going to be your run of the mill party. Especially at the beginning of the night, this lays a great vibe with Maceo’s sax, Fred Wesley’s trombone, Pee Wee Ellis’s tenor sax, Rodney Jones on guitar, Larry Goldings’ organ and Kenwood Dennard’s drums. It gets the body moving and inevitably is a great conversation starter. link to song

Jay-Z - Big Pimpin’
With a simple whistle and some kettle drums you’ve got a track that will keep you forever mackin’. Reaching #3 on BillBoard’s Top 100, this track has enough stamina to take you to Trinidad and back. Now if your party ends up on lavish yacht throwing money around like it’s cheese you can thank me later. link to song

Notorious B.I.G. - Hypnotize
This posthumous chart-topper is a must have laying down the law to all those thinking I’m going to take a rest from shaking it and fill up my drink. Oh no you’re not, you’re about to be hypnotized by Biggie. link to song

Outkast - Hey Ya
I remember when I was in Vegas for New Years in 2004 and this song came on late in the night at the Voodoo Lounge, the roof almost blew off the place. Which would’ve been kind of ironic because the Voodoo Lounge is on the roof of the Rio. Big Boi and Andre 3000 crafted a dancing masterpiece with some simple keyboard licks, some well placed clapping and lyrics that will make you lend your sugar to your neighbor. You know what to do, make sure you have this track. link to song

Kanye West - Stronger
Go ahead go nuts go ape shit and bow in the presence of greatness. These are the licks that make your party mix stronger. Kanye teaming up with Daft Punk created this monster #1 single so don’t act like I never told you. link to song

50 Cent - PIMP: Snoop Dogg Remix
This goes again to the well tested formula, if you’ve gotta kettle drum chances are you gotta hit. I’m not naive to say that’s the only thing that makes this song a must have because fiddy backs it up with his topical lyrics about “Gucci, Dolce & Gabbana” keeping the party going. “Yeah girl, I got my now-n-later gators on!” link to song

Journey - Don’t Stop Believing
This is the point in the night where the party turns into a sing-a-long if there has been enough man-sodas consumed. And who’s gonna take you there, Steve Perry, that’s who. Along with Neal Schon’s riffs this song will transform the party ”where everybody wants a thrill”. link to song

AC/DC - You Shook Me All Night Long
With Angus Young’s opening cords and Brian Johnson’s gravelly vocals the party is sure to hit another gear. Don’t be surprised to see grown men belting out the lyrics like they were back in high school driving on the country road to the summertime barbecue. This in turn will get the ladies into cutting loose too because any self respecting gentleman willing to close his eyes and belt out the lyrics to the ceiling as if Simon Cowell was judging his performance illustrates the party is almost off the hook. link to song

Billy Joel - Piano Man
This song is arguably one of the best party songs ever. It turns all strangers into friends as they lock arms and shoulders and swing side by side to forget about life for awhile. Released in ‘73, this song peaked at #25 on the Billboard Hot 100. The piano will sound like a carnival and the microphone will smell like a beer and that’s why you’ll never forget about that night. link to song

Here\’s your music, now come on down and let\’s PARTEEEE…

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Ever had gas so bad you didn’t know WHAT to do? How do you cover that up, you ask!

Have you ever lit a match to cover up the smell while you were dropping a deuce? While this is a perfectly acceptable way to disguise the smell in your own home, you probably shouldn’t try doing this when you’re on a plane.
Earlier this month, a flight coming from Washington D.C. heading to Dallas had to make an emergency pit stop in Nashville because fellow passengers smelt burnt matches. It turns out it was just a woman who had lots of gas and wanted to hide the smell. [via USA Today]

Wow, makes me think about what I would do if I were in the same situation. I mean we all pass gas, but why does everyone get all so up in arms when they smell someone else’s fumes from the doom. Is there really a proper way to get out of it gracefully?

Here are some options she could have tried:

Keep quiet. The other people next to her might have thought it was coming from someone else or that the stewardess did a drive-by fart.

Hold it. I think to a certain degree we all get pretty good at doing this. Over a lengthy flight though, she might have had trouble on this. I wonder if that’s healthy though to hold your gas in. It’s never felt right.

Blame someone else. She could have said, “Wow do you smell that? I think it’s coming from over there.” This could work, but we all know whoever smelt it dealt it right?

Create a :30 Diversion. Maybe she could have used a little misdirection like magicians do and started to have a coughing fit. Others might have focused on the coughing and by that time the smell would have dissipated.

Give and Go. She could have got out of her seat and walked toward the end of the plane and then while she was walking back let it go little by little.
Be honest and just let it rip. Maybe say, I’m so sorry but that Chicken Marsala is doing cartwheels in my stomach and is giving me bad gas. She might have got a funny look, but people tend to appreciate honesty.

It’s hard to fault her too bad because we’ve all been in a similar situation. If you’re traveling this holiday and have some gas, hopefully you can use some of those tips. Happy Holidays and godspeed.
Did you fart?

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I recently read an amusing article by MS Bautista involving the usual, awful question that we females often ask our men.  No matter how many times I read the answers, submitted in so many different fashions, the answers are usually quite WRONG but funny.

As a woman, I often wonder why we bother asking our male counterparts for their opinion on certain topics. Our views too often greatly differ; I mean, duh, men are from Mars and women are from Venus!

One of the top things women shouldn’t ask men is “Do these jeans make me look fat?” (Am I right, guys?!) In case you guys get asked, here are 6 responses that hopefully won’t result in the evil eye or silent treatment.

1) “No, they accentuate your curves.” It’s probably at least partially true. The way most jeans fit, they hug onto your curves. Nevermind that they also hug onto the rolls of stomach fat and cellulite on thighs.

2) “No, but I like you in skirts.” This response works best when you know the woman has confidence that she has great legs. Regardless how well the dress fits, most women gain a sense of poise and feel extra feminine in dresses.

3) “Yes, but it’s the jeans’ fault!” Yes, blame it on the jeans! They’re an inanimate object that won’t retaliate in any way, shape, or form. Follow this response by suggesting an entire shopping day devoted to finding the perfect pair of jeans.

4) “I like the way they [the jeans] look.” Notice there is no “yes” or “no” response here. By simply telling her you like the way the jeans look you ultimately are saying you like the way she looks. This one may backfire as she’ll want a direct answer to the question, but just follow it up with a hug and kiss (and if you know she’s into it, a pat on the butt wouldn’t hurt).

5) “Jeans don’t make you, you make the jeans!” Go cheesy and then say, “And you make ‘em look hot, baby!” Go modest and say, “And you make them work, honey!” Paying her a compliment should help boost her confidence a bit.

These responses won’t work for all women, so anticipate how she’ll react before choosing your response. And when all else fails…

6) “Honesty is best.” Most women can spot bullshit from a mile away. If you know she’ll appreciate and can take your honesty, then (brace yourself and) simply tell her your honest opinion.
DO THESE JEANS MAKE ME LOOK FAT….

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When in England, at a fairly large conference, Colin Powell was asked by the Archbishop of Canterbury if our plans for Iraq were just an example of empire building’ by George Bush.

He answered by saying, ‘Over the years, the United States has sent many of its fine young men and women into great peril to fight for freedom beyond our borders. The only amount of land we have ever asked for in return is enough to bury those that did not return.’

You could have heard a pin drop.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a conference in France where a number of international engineers were taking part, including French and American. During a break, one of the French engineers came back into the room saying, Have you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an aircraft carrier to Indonesia  to help the tsunami victims. What does he intended to do, bomb them?’ An American engineer stood up and replied quietly: ‘Our carriers have three hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people; they are nuclear powered and can supply emergency electrical power to shore facilities; they have three cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000 people three meals a day, they can produce several thousand gallons of fresh water from sea water each day, and they carry half a dozen helicopters for use in transporting victims and injured to and from their flight deck. We have eleven such ships; how many does France have?’

You could have heard a pin drop.

Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied ‘Maybe it’s because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans arranged it so you wouldn’t have to speak German.’

You could have heard a pin drop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AND THIS STORY FITS RIGHT IN WITH THE ABOVE…

Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on.  ‘You have been to France before, monsieur?’  the customs officer asked sarcastically.  Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.  Then you should know enough to have your passport ready.’  The American said, “‘The last time I was here, I didn’t have to show it.  ”Impossible.  Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in France !’ The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look.  Then he quietly explained, “‘Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D- Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn’t find a single Frenchmen to show a passport to.’

You could have heard a pin drop.

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This week was a really tough week.  Went to work on Monday and found out that our company has put “us” up for sale.  That could be good and that could be bad.  Maybe a larger company will buy us out, invest lots of $ and we grow profusely!  OR maybe someone will buy us and sell us piece lot.  OR buy us, bring in their own staff and let us all go…………..we won’t know for quite a while as these things take time. 

So, now the staff is really bummed out.  Does the company think that we are going to be excited to come in to work now?  Do they think that most people are going to worry about doing a great job, or do their job at all?  The sentiment so far seems to be the latter.  And, oh yes, I forgot to mention - we just came out of bankruptcy earlier this year after 4 years of agonzing over lost profits, higher fuel costs, a union party takeover (which didn’t happen), etc.  I started to work with the company shortly after they filed bankrupcy.  I (and most of my co-workers) really worked hard to try to bring our corporation out of bankruptcy and our spreadsheets show that we are a profitable company once again. 

But, what are you going to do?  Working for any corporation these days is hard.  The world has changed.  For me prices are soaring - there’s healthcare, a mortgage payment, groceries, utilities (which just went up again), car payment, and 18 yr. old starting college this fall and on and on it goes. 

Most of us are in this same position.  I just keep the faith, stay close to family (mine is extremely close) and try to laugh OUT LOUD alot!!!!  And venting always helps.  It is truly medicinal which is good because I use to be a thinker, but I am recovering.  Didn’t someone say that thinking is a disease?  Thinking - The Silent Disease - good thing I’m in recovery. 

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Mark Twain once said, “It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.”

Here are 60 pieces of false knowledge many people misquote as absolute facts.

1. Shaving causes hair to grow back thicker. – Shaving does not cause hair to grow back thicker.  This false knowledge carried by many people is due to the fact that hair wears down and appears thinner over time.  Thus, new hair looks thinker than old hair and feels coarser due to unworn edges.
2. We only use 10% of our brain. – We may only be using 10% of our total brain at any one given time, but this 10% is nearly 100% of the brain capacity designed to calculate the data sets we are currently working on.  For example, the creative side of the brain isn’t going to help you remember a statistics formula.  It wasn’t designed to do so and it will remain unused during this process.
3. Rice is pure and healthy. – Actually, it’s often contaminated with small traces of arsenic.
4. Milk is absolutely essential to your health. – It’s just one of numerous sources for calcium and Vitamin D.
5. People should eat mostly carbohydrates. – After all, that’s what the food pyramid says, right?  False!  Look around at the average American’s midsection.  An excessive intake of carbohydrates is fattening.  Wholegrain foods containing fiber should be the primary source.
6. Tar and nicotine in cigarettes cause cancer. – Nope, excessive smoke in your lungs causes cancer.  In fact, the Radon and Polonium in the smoke is enough to account for most cases of cigarette related lung cancer.
7. Being overworked can cause a nervous breakdown. – Actually, nervous breakdowns do not even appear as an official mental health disorder in DSM-IV.
8. Depression is purely biochemical. – Depression is more closely related to a specific cognitive state of mind.
9. Male masturbation is unhealthy. – I’m sure most teenage guys will love this.  Research has shown that masturbating early and often may reduce Prostate Cancer later in life.
10. Females are biologically inferior in math and spatial skills. – Statistically, males and females have very similar grade averages in math courses from grade school through doctorate level classes.  Male enrollment, however, drastically out-numbers female enrollment.
11. Based on global warming Earth will be hotter in 2000 years. – Nothing is certain.  In this kind of complex nonlinear system, we could have an ice age.
12. Corn based fuel (biodiesel) is better than gasoline. – It’s more expensive, increases the cost of food and still pollutes the environment.
13. Religious faith alone heals. – This is only true on a physiological basis to a minuscule degree.  Religious faith cannot replace medical intervention.
14. Herbal medicine is healthier than modern medicine. – In numerous cases herbal medicine has been found to have either zero value or undesirable side effects.
15. Chills don’t make you ill. – Wrong!  Getting a chill in your body shocks your immune system, which prevents it from effectively keeping viruses at bay.
16. Highly social people are psychologically healthier. – Not healthier, but usually a bit happier.
17. Nutritional supplements make you live longer. – Quite often the opposite is true.  Many people misuse supplements and end up doing more harm than good to their bodies.
18. Hair and fingernails continue to grow after death. – Hair and fingernails do not grow at all after a person dies.  This illusion is based on the fact that skin dries up and shrivels away from the foundation of hair roots and nails, making the hair and nails look longer than before death.
19. String Theory – There has been zero proof that String Theory relates to the physical universe.
20. The Big Bang was an explosion. – It was an expansion of space, not an explosion.
21. Windows is easier to use than Linux. – Linux, harder?  Only if you are completely against the notion of learning something new.
22. A true free market exists. – Take a hard look at the price of oil and tell me that the recent 100% price spike is completely based around supply and demand and not partial price manipulation.
23. Ozone is healthy. – Ozone is only healthy when used in controlled medical environments.  Outside of that, it is harmful to the lungs if inhaled.
24. Stretching before exercise is a sure thing. – Only if you stretch properly.  Many people injure themselves due to improper stretching practices.
25. Weight belts prevent injuries. – If used properly when lifting extreme amounts of weight, they do help.  The problem is that most amateur weight lifters swing their bodies and hyper-extend their backs while lifting weight with their upper body.  When they wear weight belts for upper body exercises they still swing their bodies and hyper-extend their backs, only this time they use more weight and the injuries are more severe.
26. Soap kills germs. – Plain (non-antibacterial) hand soap does not kill germs.  Instead, it lifts the germs off the surface of your skin, forcing them to be washed down the drain.
27. Alcohol is a great antiseptic for open wounds. – Alcohol is a great disinfectant for intact skin and inanimate, non-living things.  Alcohol is not effective or healthy when applied into open wounds. When used on open, exposed tissue, alcohol actually kills some of the human tissue along with the germs. This can drastically delay the healing of larger wounds.
28. Coffee is unhealthy. – It’s all about moderation and timing.  If you take excessive doses of coffee late in the day, you’ll be up all night, and that’s not healthy.  However, coffee is also a great source of healthy antioxidants.  Coffee consumption has been medically linked to the reduction of certain cancers and chronic diseases.  There have even been controlled studies which have concluded that moderate doses of coffee can be a healthy energy booster for a person partaking is intense physical exercise.
29. Fructose is healthier than Sucrose. – Sucrose (table sugar) is made from sugarcane.  Fructose is usually made from corn (also found in fruits) and is a cheaper alternative to Sucrose.  Once thought to be healthier, fructose actually has many negative downsides.  Some of these downsides include cholesterol increases and digestion difficulty, in addition to the fact that it converts to fat more easily than other types of sugar.
30. Exercise alone increases lifespan. – It increases the quality of your life and the ability of your body, but exercise alone has not been proven to increase lifespan.  A regular habit of eating healthy food, however, will.
31. Time heals all wounds. – Time does heal most psychological wounds, but if the wound is severe (i.e. someone killed your spouse) it may never fully heal.
32. Eye exercises can improve vision. – Eye exercises for improving vision have never been scientifically proven to work.  Results contain significant variance.
33. Cheese is healthy. – Regular cheese contains an extremely high content of fat.  As with anything, moderation is the key.  In smaller doses it can be a decent source of calcium and protein.
34. Tan people look good, so tanning in the sun is okay. – Extremely tan people have burnt skin.  Check back with them at age 60 when they have skin cancer.
35. Swimming in chlorine pools is healthy. – While the chlorine levels found in most swimming pools won’t noticeably hurt a swimmer, continuous exposure is unhealthy for the skin and the eyes.  True saltwater pools are a much healthier alternative.
36. Jogging along a traveled roadway is healthy. – Jogging along a traveled roadway forces the jogger to inhale large quantities of air polluted with car exhaust.  Like secondhand smoke, this can be extremely bad for the health of a person’s lungs.
37. Heading a soccer ball doesn’t hurt the player. – Soccer players don’t just head the ball; frequently their heads collide with another player’s head while trying to head the ball.  In both cases there remains a potential for mild amounts of brain damage, especially when the heading is repeated over a long period of time.
38. Free-diving doesn’t cause brain damage. – Do you really think it’s healthy for the human body to remain in deep water with no oxygen for extended periods of time?   Based on the complications of pressure equalization and a lack of oxygen, free-diving will cause small amounts of neurological damage no matter how you breathe out while ascending.
39. Brain scan imaging tells us lots about the mind. – Understanding the brain by looking at brain scan images is sort of like trying to evaluate a software-based computer problem by looking inside the computer case.  You may locate the hard-drive, but you’ll never know exactly what’s on it.  Brain scans are efficient at detecting gross physical abnormalities, which do save lives. However, much of the claims about reading a persons thoughts and future is complete nonsense.  Brain scanning cannot even reliably detect early stage Alzheimer’s disease as of yet.
40. Rorschach inkblot tests are reliable. – Various studies have depicted the conclusions found by inkblot test administrators as being akin to fortune teller cold readings.  The controversy stems from several factors including the potential variance of interpretation, general verifiability and reliability, the inability to completely baseline testing norms and the limited number of psychological conditions the test is supposedly capable of determining.
41. Positive thinking (and the placebo effect) helps heal cancer. – Medical treatment is the only way to eliminate cancer cells.  Positive thinking does nothing more than help cancer patients mentally prepare for medical treatment.
42. Eggs are unhealthy. – Eggs are a food you should eat regularly, but in moderation.  They are a great source of essential nutrients and high in protein.  Unfortunately, they also contain a high level of cholesterol, which means limiting intake to 1 or 2 eggs a day.
43. Regular dentist visits create healthy teeth. – Dentists repair problems and make suggestions.  Brushing your teeth twice a day and flossing will create healthy teeth.
44. Poor people are lazy. – Money is not always the best measure of personal effort and drive.  Remember, some millionaires are very poor and some people with small incomes are very rich… in happiness.
45. Asians are smarter than Caucasians. – Asian grade schools are typically more disciplined and demanding than public school systems elsewhere (especially the USA).  So while Asians do not dominate over Caucasians in intelligence, many of them come out of grade school with a much better education.
46. You can drink as much water as you want. – It may sound weird, but people do die from fatal water overdoses.  An overdose occurs when an overabundance of water in the body causes regular salt levels in the blood to become drastically diluted.  This dilution can cause swelling in the brain and organs which may result in coma or death.
47. Ivy League students get the best education. – Education is about self-discipline, curiosity and personal drive.  Some of the most educated and successful people on this planet are self-educated.  Strictly from a formal education standpoint, think about the fact that MIT (a top technical school) and Duke (a top medical school) are not Ivy League.
48. Human growth hormone (HGH) increases life span. – In many cases the opposite is actually true.  HGH does tend to improve the quality of life in a person’s elder years by reducing fat production in the body while increasing muscle mass.  However, no critical factors for extending a person’s life span are affected, such as bone density improvements, cholesterol level reduction, lipid measurements, maximal oxygen consumption, or any other factor that would increase a body’s durability.  Regular consumption of HGH has also been linked to various negative side effects such as joint swelling, joint pain, carpal tunnel syndrome and an amplified risk of diabetes.
49. Shouting into a phone helps the other person hear you. – In most cases it will rattle your phone’s microphone and distort the sound of your voice, thus making it harder for the other person to comprehend your words.
50. Tabasco sauce causes stomach cancer. – This is an urban legend.  In reality, researchers have discovered that spicy pepper sauces may actually help fight the growth of cancer cells.  The University Of Pittsburg School Of Medicine found that capsaicin (the hot ingredient in pepper sauce) induces apoptosis in the cancer cells.
51. Karate works better than dirty street fighting. – Sad, but true… The dirty street fighter with a concealed weapon will probably win the fight outside of a formal fighting ring.
52. Expensive CD players produce better sound quality. – If you want better sound quality spend your money on a decent amplifier, equalizer and a high quality set of speakers.  An expensive input device like a CD player is worthless if the other components are not in place.
53. Monster Cables (expensive audio/video cables) are worth it. – In most cases you will hear and see no difference in the quality between a Monster Cable and a standard cable.  The only exceptions occur in extremely high end systems where slight cable attenuation creates a noticeable difference in clarity.
54. Lie detector (polygraph) tests are accurate. – The American Civil Liberties Union released a report in 1996 stating that “…there is no machine that can detect lies.  The ‘lie detector‘ does not measure truth-telling; it measures changes in blood pressure, breath rate and perspiration rate, but those physiological changes can be triggered by a wide range of emotions.”
55. Raw veggies are always healthier for you. – Cooking certain kinds of vegetables such as onions and garlic can actually increase the variety and potency of nutrients that get released inside a person’s digestive track.  In addition, cooking vegetables also eliminates the potential for bacterial contamination such as salmonella.
56. SUV’s are safer than regular cars. – When it comes to vehicles, bigger does not mean safer.  Many SUV models are top heavy and have poor handling.  Several recent accident-related death statistics have shown that fatality rates in SUV’s are no lower than those in standard size vehicles.
57. Soft water is healthier than hard water. – Reverse it.  Hard water is healthier than soft water.  Hard water contains natural minerals and is sodium free.  Soft water has sodium and is stripped of all natural minerals.  So why do people soften water?  Soft water has cleaning benefits.  When soft water is used, soap lathers better and cleans objects more efficiently, kitchenware and shower glass will sparkle and remain scum-free and hair and skin will also feel smoother.
58. Astrology has value. – Astrology is one of the world’s oldest con games.  It’s complete rubbish.  People want to believe that the future can be predicted, which is exactly why the traditions of Astrology still exist in modern cultures.
59. Chiropractic therapy can cure various diseases. – Chiropractic therapy has been medically proven to help with some joint and bone related injuries, comparable to various forms of physical therapy.  However, there is no medical proof to backup the popular assertions from chiropractors claiming that chiropractic therapy is an effective remedy for other diseases or conditions (such as chronic stress headaches).
60. IQ is a perfect measure of intelligence. – IQ tests are only one of many imperfect techniques for measuring human intelligence.  IQ tests don’t measure creativity, social skills, general wisdom, learned aptitude or an entire gamut of other traits most people would consider as a measurement of intelligence.  IQ tests can be used as a measure of basic intellectual potential, but do not reflect accurate measurements in all circumstances.

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Not the PlayStation but PAIN Station is a game that you play and get hurt if you lose.
No pain no gain!
Surprisingly the injuries seem pretty severe for a ”game”. This version of the station is
playing the famous Pong game every few seconds its a hit ! Ouch

Have you ever had a hankering to play a computer game that allows you to inflict real pain
on your opponent?
Ever wondered how it would feel to shock, burn and lash your opponent into submission?
Well, wonder no more. Two German designers have addressed this yawning gap in the
gaming industry with a fiendish invention called, appropriately enough, the Painstation. The
concept is simple. Two players eyeball each other over a table console. The left-hand is
positioned on a sensor field — otherwise know as a PEU, or Pain Execution Unit. When both
players have made this electric contact, the game, and the real fun, commences. The game
itself is based on the first-generation PC game known as Pong, or bar tennis, and is followed
by both players through a graphics display in the center of the table. The player’s right hand
controls the bat, and the object of the game is to keep the ball in play as long as possible.
In the original PC game, missing the ball resulted in nothing worse than a moment’s frustration
and perhaps a well-chosen expletive. In this revamped version, missing the ball is not only
annoying, it is also very painful.
Randomly arranged along both sides of the playing field are Pain Inflictor Symbols, each
representing a different sort of pain. Depending where the ball hits, the player will feel
sensations such as heat, punches and electroshocks of varying duration delivered through
the PEU.
The game ends only when one of the players decides that the pain is too much to bear and
lifts a hand off the PEU. All of which sounds straightforward, but in truth games often continue
long past the point where common sense has given way to stubborn machismo.

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BATHROOMS: Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything. Just sit and stare.

DOORS: Do not allow any closed doors in any room. To get the door open, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an “outside” door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season.

CHAIRS AND RUGS: If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shag is good. When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so it is as long as a human’s bare foot.

HAMPERING: If one of your humans is engaged in some activity, and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called “helping,” otherwise known as “hampering.” Following are the rules for hampering:

1. When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted.
2. For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book — unless you can lie across the book itself.
3. When human is working at computer, jump up on desk, walk across keyboard, bat at mouse pointer on screen, and then lay in human’s lap across arms, hampering typing in progress.

WALKING: As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the human, especially: on stairs, when they have something in their arms, in the dark, and when they first get up in the morning. This will help their coordination skills.

BEDTIME: Always sleep on the human at night so he/she cannot move around.

LITTER BOX: When using the litter box, be sure to kick as much litter out of the box as possible. Humans love the feel of kitty litter between their toes.

HIDING: Every now and then, hide in a place where the humans cannot find you. Do not come out for three to four hours under any circumstances. This will cause the humans to panic (which they love) thinking that you have run away or are lost. Once you do come out, the humans will cover you with love and kisses, and you probably will get a treat.

ONE LAST THOUGHT: Whenever possible, get close to a human, especially their face, turn around, and present your butt to them. Humans love this, so do it often. And don’t forget the guests.

Source

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