I was really happy! My girlfriend and I were dating for over a year, and we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream!

There was only one thing bothering me, quite alot, and that as my mother-in-law to be. She was a career woman, smart, but most of all beautiful and sexy, who sometimes flirted me, quite obviously too, and made me feel uncomfortable.

One day, she called me and asked me to come over, to check the invitations. So I went. She was alone, and when I arrived, she whispered to me, that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome and that before I get married and commit my life to her daughter, she wants to make love to me just once.

What could I say? I was in total shock, and couldn’t say a word. So, she said, I’ll go to the bedroom, and if you are up for it, just come and get me. I just watched her delicious behind as she went up the stairs.

I stood there for a moment, and then turned around and went to the front door… I opened it, and stepped out of the house. Her husband was standing outside, and with tears in his eyes, hugged me and said, “We are very happy and pleased, you have passed the test. We couldn’t have asked for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.”

Lesson learned: Always keep your condoms in your car…
Don’t marry - date
Make it happen with Love scent

Ever had gas so bad you didn’t know WHAT to do? How do you cover that up, you ask!

Have you ever lit a match to cover up the smell while you were dropping a deuce? While this is a perfectly acceptable way to disguise the smell in your own home, you probably shouldn’t try doing this when you’re on a plane.
Earlier this month, a flight coming from Washington D.C. heading to Dallas had to make an emergency pit stop in Nashville because fellow passengers smelt burnt matches. It turns out it was just a woman who had lots of gas and wanted to hide the smell. [via USA Today]

Wow, makes me think about what I would do if I were in the same situation. I mean we all pass gas, but why does everyone get all so up in arms when they smell someone else’s fumes from the doom. Is there really a proper way to get out of it gracefully?

Here are some options she could have tried:

Keep quiet. The other people next to her might have thought it was coming from someone else or that the stewardess did a drive-by fart.

Hold it. I think to a certain degree we all get pretty good at doing this. Over a lengthy flight though, she might have had trouble on this. I wonder if that’s healthy though to hold your gas in. It’s never felt right.

Blame someone else. She could have said, “Wow do you smell that? I think it’s coming from over there.” This could work, but we all know whoever smelt it dealt it right?

Create a :30 Diversion. Maybe she could have used a little misdirection like magicians do and started to have a coughing fit. Others might have focused on the coughing and by that time the smell would have dissipated.

Give and Go. She could have got out of her seat and walked toward the end of the plane and then while she was walking back let it go little by little.
Be honest and just let it rip. Maybe say, I’m so sorry but that Chicken Marsala is doing cartwheels in my stomach and is giving me bad gas. She might have got a funny look, but people tend to appreciate honesty.

It’s hard to fault her too bad because we’ve all been in a similar situation. If you’re traveling this holiday and have some gas, hopefully you can use some of those tips. Happy Holidays and godspeed.
Did you fart?

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I recently read an amusing article by MS Bautista involving the usual, awful question that we females often ask our men.  No matter how many times I read the answers, submitted in so many different fashions, the answers are usually quite WRONG but funny.

As a woman, I often wonder why we bother asking our male counterparts for their opinion on certain topics. Our views too often greatly differ; I mean, duh, men are from Mars and women are from Venus!

One of the top things women shouldn’t ask men is “Do these jeans make me look fat?” (Am I right, guys?!) In case you guys get asked, here are 6 responses that hopefully won’t result in the evil eye or silent treatment.

1) “No, they accentuate your curves.” It’s probably at least partially true. The way most jeans fit, they hug onto your curves. Nevermind that they also hug onto the rolls of stomach fat and cellulite on thighs.

2) “No, but I like you in skirts.” This response works best when you know the woman has confidence that she has great legs. Regardless how well the dress fits, most women gain a sense of poise and feel extra feminine in dresses.

3) “Yes, but it’s the jeans’ fault!” Yes, blame it on the jeans! They’re an inanimate object that won’t retaliate in any way, shape, or form. Follow this response by suggesting an entire shopping day devoted to finding the perfect pair of jeans.

4) “I like the way they [the jeans] look.” Notice there is no “yes” or “no” response here. By simply telling her you like the way the jeans look you ultimately are saying you like the way she looks. This one may backfire as she’ll want a direct answer to the question, but just follow it up with a hug and kiss (and if you know she’s into it, a pat on the butt wouldn’t hurt).

5) “Jeans don’t make you, you make the jeans!” Go cheesy and then say, “And you make ‘em look hot, baby!” Go modest and say, “And you make them work, honey!” Paying her a compliment should help boost her confidence a bit.

These responses won’t work for all women, so anticipate how she’ll react before choosing your response. And when all else fails…

6) “Honesty is best.” Most women can spot bullshit from a mile away. If you know she’ll appreciate and can take your honesty, then (brace yourself and) simply tell her your honest opinion.
DO THESE JEANS MAKE ME LOOK FAT….

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This week was a really tough week.  Went to work on Monday and found out that our company has put “us” up for sale.  That could be good and that could be bad.  Maybe a larger company will buy us out, invest lots of $ and we grow profusely!  OR maybe someone will buy us and sell us piece lot.  OR buy us, bring in their own staff and let us all go…………..we won’t know for quite a while as these things take time. 

So, now the staff is really bummed out.  Does the company think that we are going to be excited to come in to work now?  Do they think that most people are going to worry about doing a great job, or do their job at all?  The sentiment so far seems to be the latter.  And, oh yes, I forgot to mention - we just came out of bankruptcy earlier this year after 4 years of agonzing over lost profits, higher fuel costs, a union party takeover (which didn’t happen), etc.  I started to work with the company shortly after they filed bankrupcy.  I (and most of my co-workers) really worked hard to try to bring our corporation out of bankruptcy and our spreadsheets show that we are a profitable company once again. 

But, what are you going to do?  Working for any corporation these days is hard.  The world has changed.  For me prices are soaring - there’s healthcare, a mortgage payment, groceries, utilities (which just went up again), car payment, and 18 yr. old starting college this fall and on and on it goes. 

Most of us are in this same position.  I just keep the faith, stay close to family (mine is extremely close) and try to laugh OUT LOUD alot!!!!  And venting always helps.  It is truly medicinal which is good because I use to be a thinker, but I am recovering.  Didn’t someone say that thinking is a disease?  Thinking - The Silent Disease - good thing I’m in recovery. 

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